Came that morning a saturday 8:10 am saying; "she stopped breathing," you should come right away...
I had just got home, and tried to go to bed knowing that the end would be soon;
I needed some rest, even if any maybe a few moments, after the all nighter and all day being there by her side.
I had hoped that this be a bad dream, and not the day, I had been worrying about for the past six months.
but it was here,and I was facing it alone today, driving to my mothers home, and all alone... doing it, this drive had felt like the longest, (we are just 3 miles apart) seemed as if it were 20mi, I recieved two more ph call's saying, they will be there soon the nurse, and the other one was my sister saying, I hear she is gone?
I said, I don't know I'm on my way to her.
Very surreal Iwas very scared, I took a deep breath, parked and prayed for strength, to carry on and upon entering the home, the hospice aid said, she is gone.Just like that... I see my sister, and niece there I feel for them, the sad look you can not hide, they were both despondant, I was afraid to look at mom, and I peer over to see her resting on the bed looking so very different then 30mins before, the life had truly gone out from her, not only did the body look grim, and hallow and have a bone chilling effect of it's own,it is true, you do die, you do go back to "being dust you are dust you will beturn..." The soul that is sinning will die.
So many emotions, I was feeling, but we had to talk and get down to what happened, and how did it happen."They said, she took some big short breaths, and it was slowing down then stopped. and no more breath, it was gone. I 'm kind of glad, I did not see that part of it, and glad that they were with her till the end.
Because she needed someone there with her. Never do you want to die alone.I don't but to see the last breath is so final...so definite the look is unforgettable that picture will not leave my head.
She appear to look very feeble,old,tottered,battered, deteriorated and wasted away.
She was once beauitful she was vibrant and strong and welcoming and kind, loving she was not tired and wore out. To leave nothing in question that she has expired to this horrific illness.
"Cancer, not only destoys the person it is invades, but the people around the one suffering, it is like a cockroach, that wont die, or go away and if it does it comes back and brings friends.
The battle; is a small word for what you truly must do to win, if at all... the struggle that it takes, the suffering you must go through,you feel the combat everyday,you enter it and it is not a small fleet, it is the hardest thing you will confront in a persons life.More times then not this leads up to the persons' death...
For those that have battled and won the fight... Hurray; to you and glory be granted to God all good things comes from above. He gives fine gift's, he gives life.
If you have overcome that monster, and won the fight then be proud, and be free to move forward.
Don't linger to long on its scars, and it's impairment. move ahead and take hold of life, and find the best way to live that you can. Look for Joy,in everyday in every childs eyes, and seek, peace and be at peace knowing you did what was right for you; and have above all faith. Bring appreciation where it need to be family, friends,spiritual providers and above all to God.
This is all positive and a good outlook, a good way to move on and even if you have not reach a your goal, try to reach something every day.
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